Husband in Midlife Crisis? What Many Women in Midlife Are Experiencing

If you’ve found yourself typing “husband in midlife crisis?” into Google, chances are something feels off.

He may seem distant. Restless. Irritable.

Or suddenly questioning his life choices. 

You might feel confused, hurt, or quietly wondering whether this phase will pass... or whether your relationship is fundamentally changing.

What I notice again and again in my work with women in midlife is that while many men appear to be having a midlife crisis, women are often navigating something far deeper, more complex and far less understood.

As a coach for midlife women and a menopause wellness practitioner, I support women through perimenopause, menopause, burnout, identity shifts and major life transitions.

Very often, their partner’s so-called “midlife crisis” collides directly with their own hormonal and emotional awakening — and that collision can feel explosive.

Let’s talk honestly about what may be happening for him, what’s happening for you and why midlife looks so different depending on which body you’re in.

What Is a Midlife Crisis — and Why It Often Looks Different in Men

A midlife crisis isn’t a medical diagnosis, but it’s a widely recognised life event.

It typically occurs between the ages of 40 and 60 and is triggered by reflection, loss, regret, or a growing awareness of mortality.

In men, midlife crisis often shows up externally.

Common patterns include:

• Dissatisfaction with career or achievements

  
  

• A strong desire to reclaim youth or freedom

  
  

• Changes in appearance, hobbies, or spending

  
  

• Emotional withdrawal or irritability

  
  

• Questioning long-term relationship commitments

Many men have been conditioned to measure their worth through achievement, productivity, and status.

When those markers start to feel shaky, the internal discomfort often gets acted out in visible ways.

Women, on the other hand, are frequently conditioned to internalise.

And that’s where the real disconnect begins.

Signs Your Husband May Be in a Midlife Crisis

If you’re wondering whether your husband is experiencing a midlife crisis, some common signs include:

• Emotional distance – less communication, less affection, or a sense he’s 'checked out'

  
  

• Irritability or defensiveness – reacting strongly to small issues

  
  

• Impulsive behaviour – sudden purchases, lifestyle changes, or risky decisions

  
  

• Restlessness – feeling trapped, bored, or dissatisfied with life as it is

  
  

• Fixation on the past or youth – comparing current life to earlier versions of himself

  
  

• Questioning the relationship – expressing doubts without clear reasons

What many women tell me is that while their partner seems to be acting outwards, they themselves are imploding quietly — holding everything together while falling apart inside.

When Midlife Crisis Involves Affairs or Emotional Betrayal

This is one of the hardest parts to talk about...but it matters.

For some men, a midlife crisis doesn’t just show up as restlessness or withdrawal.

It can show up as an affair, an emotional connection outside the marriage, or behaviour that crosses boundaries and deeply hurts their partner.

This doesn’t happen because a woman “wasn’t enough,” and it isn’t caused by menopause, ageing or relationship failure alone.

Affairs in midlife are often driven by:

• A desire to feel wanted, admired or powerful again

  
  

• Avoidance of emotional discomfort or vulnerability

  
  

• Fear of ageing, loss of relevance or regret

  
  

• Seeking novelty instead of facing internal dissatisfaction

For women in midlife, especially those navigating perimenopause or menopause, this can feel devastating. Many describe it as:

• A double betrayal

  
  

• A shattering of trust during an already vulnerable time

  
  

• Proof that they were carrying the emotional weight of the relationship alone

It’s important to say this clearly and kindly...

A midlife crisis may explain behaviour but it does not excuse betrayal.

Understanding what may be happening for your husband does not mean minimising your pain or tolerating behaviour that crosses your boundaries.

The Midlife Collision: When His Crisis Meets Her Menopause

This is the part that rarely gets talked about.

For many women, perimenopause and menopause is a profound neurological, hormonal and emotional transition.

This isn’t just about hot flushes or disrupted sleep. It’s about identity, boundaries, energy, tolerance, and truth.

During menopause:

• The brain becomes more sensitive to stress

  
  

• Emotional masking becomes harder

  
  

• Long-standing inequalities in relationships become impossible to ignore

  
  

• Women often lose the capacity (or desire) to keep everyone else comfortable

So while he may be questioning his life, you may be questioning everything.

Women often tell me:

• “I can’t keep carrying the emotional load anymore.”

  
  

• “I don’t recognise myself — but I finally feel awake.”

  
  

• “I’m exhausted from being the strong one.”

When a male midlife crisis meets female menopause, couples often experience:

• Communication breakdown

  
  

• Emotional misalignment

  
  

• A painful sense of being unseen by each other

Not because love has disappeared — but because both people are changing at the same time, in very different ways.

How to Support a Husband in Midlife Crisis Without Losing Yourself

Compassion does not mean self-abandonment.

Supporting a husband through a midlife crisis can look like:

• Listening without trying to fix

  
  

• Allowing space for his emotions

  
  

• Encouraging reflection rather than impulsive decisions

But it also means:

• Naming your own experience

  
  

• Setting boundaries around what you can and cannot carry

  
  

• Refusing to disappear emotionally

One of the most important shifts I encourage women to make is this: stop managing his discomfort at the expense of your own wellbeing.

Midlife isn’t asking you to be quieter. It’s asking you to be truer.

Why I Wrote A Menopause Letter to My Husband

I wrote my blog A Menopause Letter to My Husband  because so many women told me they didn’t have the words to explain what menopause actually feels like...emotionally, mentally and physically.

Not the clinical explanation. The lived experience.

That letter was written to bridge the gap between what women are going through and what their partners often struggle to understand.

It wasn’t about blame...it was about visibility.

If you haven’t read it yet, I encourage you to.

It often resonates deeply with women who feel they are changing faster than their relationship can keep up.

Both pieces speak to the same truth: midlife requires new conversations, not old expectations.

FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)

❓ How long does a midlife crisis last in men?

A midlife crisis can last anywhere from a few months to several years, depending on underlying emotional health, support, and willingness to reflect rather than avoid discomfort.

❓ Is my husband’s behaviour a midlife crisis or something else?

Some signs overlap with depression, anxiety, or burnout. If behaviour is extreme, prolonged, or harmful, professional support is recommended.

❓ Can menopause affect my marriage?

Yes. Perimenopause and menopause can significantly impact emotional regulation, stress tolerance, and communication — often exposing existing relationship dynamics.

❓ Should I stay if my husband is having a midlife crisis?

There’s no universal answer. What matters most is your emotional safety, wellbeing, and whether both partners are willing to grow — not just cope.

❓ Can a midlife crisis lead to affairs?

Yes. For some men, a midlife crisis can involve affairs or emotional betrayal as a way of avoiding deeper emotional work. While understanding the context can help make sense of behaviour, it does not justify crossing relationship boundaries.

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DISCLAIMER: This page does not provide medical advice; it is intended for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek professional medical advice on any of the topics covered on this page.