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A Menopause Letter to my Husband
- Jane Mackay
- May 17, 2024
- 9 min read
Updated: Apr 13
Introduction
Menopause can feel like an overwhelming journey filled with physical and emotional changes that may be difficult to understand — not just for the women going through it, but for their partners as well.
It’s a time that can bring unexpected challenges to a relationship, often leaving both parties feeling confused or disconnected.
For many women, trying to explain these changes to their husbands can feel frustrating, especially when the symptoms seem to change from day to day.
Men, on the other hand, often struggle to relate to what their partners are experiencing, which can create distance and misunderstandings.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Open, honest communication is one of the most effective ways to bridge that gap.
By expressing what you're going through and explaining how it's affecting your well-being, you give your partner the opportunity to understand, empathise and support you in a meaningful way.
Contents
A study on menopause and relationships
Research even backs this up.
According to a study by the Family Law Menopause Project and Newson Health Research and Education in October 2022 – 7 out of 10 women blamed menopause symptoms for the breakdown of their marriage with 8 out of 10 of those women saying that perimenopause and menopause symptoms put an increased strain on family life.
This highlights just how crucial understanding and communication are during the menopause.
The men's perspective on menopause
It’s important to recognise that men often want to help but may not know how!
Some might feel frustrated that they can’t "fix" what’s happening or worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. This can lead to feelings of helplessness, isolation, or even guilt.
Some men may withdraw emotionally, not out of lack of care, but because they don’t know how to respond or fear making things worse.
As one man shared: "It’s hard to see my wife struggling, but even harder when I don’t know how to support her. I love her, but sometimes I feel like I’m on the outside looking in, unsure of what to do."
By acknowledging your partner's perspective and their own emotional experience, it opens the door to more empathy and understanding on both sides.
Letting your partner know that their support matters, even if they don’t have all the answers, can create a stronger bond.
How to communicate your needs during menopause
To help you navigate these conversations, I’ve written a letter you can adapt and share with your husband.
It covers a range of physical, emotional and relational topics that you might be facing, and it’s written in a way that helps your partner understand your needs with empathy.
Because menopause experiences vary widely, not all parts of this letter will apply to everyone.
Feel free to read through and select sections that resonate most with you, and then cut and paste those into your own message.
You might want to adapt some parts to make it feel more personal, adding or changing details to reflect your unique experience.
Whether you choose to read it aloud, leave it for him to discover, or even have it read by his phone’s voice assistant, this letter can open the door to a deeper, more compassionate dialogue about what you’re going through.
(NOTE: Menopause experiences are diverse and unique. While this letter may specifically reference a husband/wife, its sentiments are universal and are relevant with partners of any gender or non-binary identity. My intention is to recognise the broad spectrum of relationships and identities represented in our community)
'A Menopause Letter to my Husband'
Dear [Husband's Name],
I want to share my experience of the menopause with you. I hope it helps you understand and also strengthen our relationship.
So let me first explain why this is happening to me…
The menopause means the end of my periods.
‘Meno’ is my monthly cycle and ‘pause’ means the end of that cycle. Menopause is medically defined as ‘when you have not had a period for a year’.
The average age for this in the UK is 51.
The perimenopause is what I’m experiencing now. It’s the time before the menopause when I’m still having periods but I’m experiencing symptoms.
The levels of hormones oestrogen and progesterone (and testosterone) fluctuate quite wildly and this is why I’ve got such an alarming range of symptoms.
Physical Changes
The most noticeable things are the physical changes to my body.
Hot flushes, night sweats, changes in my weight and body confidence...what's happening is both uncomfortable and frustrating.
But it's out of my control and really affecting my well-being and self-esteem!
Your love, support and patience are really important to me as I try to get through this.
Emotional Rollercoaster
My menopause is also bringing a rollercoaster of emotions because of my fluctuating hormones!
As you know, I’ve found myself getting easily irritated or snapping at you and have been more sensitive and tearful than usual.
This is overwhelming and it's difficult to control, leaving me feeling frustrated and helpless.
It's important that you understand this is not a reflection of our relationship or your actions.
Your understanding, empathy and reassurance when this happens will be a comfort to me.
Memory and Concentration
Menopause has also impacted my brain!
It’s now so much harder for me to focus, remember things or to multitask.
It's not that I'm losing my mind; it's just a temporary challenge that comes with hormonal changes but it’s really knocking my confidence.
Your patience and understanding during forgetful moments or lapses in concentration will help me.
Intimacy and Sex
Menopause has brought changes to our intimate and sexual relationship.
These changes have nothing to do with my love for you or attraction to you!
Menopause has affected my libido and sex is now uncomfortable. This makes it difficult for me to feel sexually aroused or enjoy intimacy the way we used to.
Open and honest communication between us is crucial so it’s important for us to talk about our concerns.
Remember that I still want to be close to you and to be affectionate and intimate with you.
Healthy Lifestyle Changes
A healthy lifestyle will really help to manage my menopause symptoms.
Positive changes in my daily habits and routines will help with some of the discomfort I’m experiencing.
I think it would be great if we could do some of this together? Here are a few things I think we could focus on:
Nutrition:
Eating a well-balanced diet can help with some menopause symptoms.
We need to include plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, healthy fats and lean proteins in our meals to get the essential nutrients we need.
Foods like soy products and flaxseed containing phytoestrogens might also help me.
I could also start taking a supplement such as NuMind's Menopause Support.
Exercise:
Regular exercise has so many benefits for my mental and physical health and for managing my menopause symptoms.
We could try walking, swimming, yoga, or strength training.
This will help me maintain a healthy weight, reduce my hot flushes, improve my mood and increase my energy levels.
We could find something we enjoy doing together and make it a part of our routine?
Stress Management:
Menopause brings increased stress and anxiety.
It would be helpful if we could learn and practice stress relieving techniques like deep breathing, meditation or mindfulness to help my symptoms.
Lots of self-care like baths and relaxation will help too.
Sleep:
You know that I’m really struggling to sleep and this is disturbing your sleep too.
We need to create a calm and comfortable bedroom by keeping it cool, dark and quiet.
We also need to try going to bed and waking up at the same time each day, including weekends (but how about we try breakfast in bed instead?)
Here are some other things that I think will help us get a restful night's sleep:
I need to limit my caffeine and alcohol as they both disrupt sleep.
Let’s try a wind down bedtime routine as it signals to our bodies that it's time to sleep. We could try reading or taking a bath together.
We need to avoid screen time for at least an hour before bed. The blue light emitted by our phones and tablets can interfere with melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep.
Can we look at investing in a new mattress and bedding? A supportive mattress and comfortable bedding can make a significant difference in our quality of sleep.
Regular exercise can have a positive impact on sleep quality. Maybe we could go for a walk after dinner?
Professional Support
Lack of communication is the number one reason couples struggle so our emotional connection is really important!
Men and women are so different in how they process emotions, communicate and handle stress.
Menopause can amplify this, making it essential for us to acknowledge and appreciate each other's unique perspectives and responses to the changes that my menopause is bringing.
Seeking professional help or exploring treatment options might be helpful for us. It would be great if we could explore the options together.
Therapy, such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), can be helpful as it focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviours.
This will give me the tools to cope with anger and other intense emotions.
A therapist could also help us develop strategies for better communication, allowing me to express my feelings and needs in a healthy and constructive way.
I could see a menopause specialist because they provide personalised care for my specific needs.
They would give me a treatment plan that would address my individual symptoms and concerns. This personalised approach would improve my overall well-being.
They would also offer me emotional support by understanding the physical and emotional toll the menopause can take. Having a compassionate and understanding specialist by my side could make a world of difference.
I think it would be helpful to explore Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) which is a common treatment that can help with many menopausal symptoms, including emotional changes.
I’ll need to speak to our doctor to discuss the potential risks and benefits.
I know that Dr Louise Newson is a doctor who specialises in the menopause and she has a lot of evidence based information online and on her podcast. Could we take a look at what she has to say?
Also, Jane Mackay is a Menopause Health Practitioner and Coach and she offers practical and supportive guidance for navigating the menopause and women's health.
A Menopause Guide for Husbands
There is support available for you too!
'Understanding Menopause for Partners' could be useful or 'Menopause and Relationships: A guide for partners'.
This is also a podcast episode where Dr Newson talks to the husband of one of her patients.
I think what we need the most is open communication, empathy and a willingness to learn and adapt to each other's needs.
I love you. We can do this together. We’re stronger together.
With all my love…
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How can I explain menopause to my husband?
Explaining menopause to your husband can be challenging but using simple, clear language is key.
Start by outlining the basic hormonal changes and their impact on your physical and emotional health.
Sharing your symptoms and how they affect your daily life can help him understand. You might also want to share resources, such as podcasts or articles, that explain menopause from a partner’s perspective.
What can my husband do to support me during menopause?
Your husband can support you by being patient, empathetic, and open to communication.
Encourage him to ask questions and listen to your experiences without judgment.
Practical support, such as helping with lifestyle changes like diet, exercise and stress management, can also make a big difference. It's important for both partners to be proactive in seeking information and understanding the impact of menopause.
How does menopause affect a couple’s relationship?
Menopause can introduce challenges in a relationship due to mood swings, changes in libido and communication struggles.
Many women feel less confident in their bodies, and partners might feel confused or helpless. Open dialogue about each other’s feelings and mutual understanding is essential.
By working together, many couples find that their bond can grow stronger through the experience.
Is it normal for intimacy to change during menopause?
Yes, it’s common for intimacy to change during menopause!
Hormonal fluctuations can cause a decrease in libido and physical discomfort, making sex and intimacy challenging.
However, intimacy can take on new forms, such as emotional closeness, affection and non-sexual physical touch. Having an honest conversation with your partner about your needs and concerns can help both of you adapt.
Should we seek professional help for menopause-related relationship challenges?
If menopause symptoms are creating significant strain in your relationship, seeking professional help can be beneficial.
A therapist, a coach or menopause specialist can offer guidance on communication strategies, coping mechanisms, and treatment options such as Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).
It’s important to address both the emotional and physical aspects of menopause with professional support when necessary.
Further Support
I really hope that this 'Menopause Letter to my Husband' helps you communicate your needs and that you're given the support you deserve.
My aim is to empower women in menopause to take control of their health and well-being through informed diet and lifestyle guidance, including emotional health and relationships.
With the insights shared here, I hope you feel equipped to embark on your journey towards improved menopause health.
Why not download your FREE Menopause Health Guide?
And remember, if you're looking for menopause support, I'm a certified Menopause Health Practitioner and an affiliate member of The British Menopause Society.
My sessions are available on an individual basis or as part of my 12-week programme. Your husband/partner is very welcome!
Find out more at Jane Mackay Menopause Coaching.
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